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Checking in. :)
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Okay, so as I mentioned in my last post, I took Mum to the Jersey Shore for her birthday. We saw Satan and the Grandspawn and had cake.

There was one brief moment during which I thought bail money might be needed. It involved a 70 yr. old woman with big hair and a sparkly walker. She and Mum were like rams, locking horns. If by 'rams' I mean old ladies and 'horns' is the same as walkers, one beribboned (Mum's) and one beadazzled (big-hair Jersey Shore old lady). Fortunately, I was able to distract the younger old lady with a cannoli and something shiny. The I slung Mum over my shoulder and ran off down the boardwalk, cackling at our escape. (This is a lie. There was no battle-of-the-walkers. I'm just amused by the idea. :P)

In any case, the TRUE story is, we did go to the Jersey Shore. We saw 'the other grandparents' (aka~ my sister-in-law's parents) and my three nieces in a place called... I want to say Seaside Heights, but I could be remembering wrong. Somewhere near Point Pleasant, anyway. We stayed a couple days and had a wee birthday party for Mum. And I have to say, my nieces are pretty cool, for teenagers.

Then we went to Long Branch, where Satan lives, to see him, his girlfriend, and my nephew (nephew's Mum is the girlfriend and yes, Satan IS a month's worth of Jerry Springer shows just waiting to happen; why do you ask? :P). We stayed in Long Branch another couple days, during which...

Okay, this is going to sound like another joke, but I swear by any and every deity, it's the truth...

My two and a half year old nephew whacked Mum in the head... with a HAMMER. No joke, no bullshit. One of those rubber-covered mallets they use to pound out dents in cars and stuff. Somehow the kid got hold of it and was messing around and whacked MUM in the HEAD... with a HAMMER!

Once the screaming and crying was finished (that was Mum, btw), I had to go outside to laugh. She wasn't hurt, of course, or it wouldn't be funny, but the fact is... seeing Mum with a sack of frozen veg on her head in lieu of an ice bag was flippin' hilarious. Especially since the bag was literally the size of her head.

Now, I know this sounds horrible, because I'm laughing that Mum got hit in the head with a hammer, but just try to picture it.

One minute she's cooing at the two and a half year old, telling him he's her golden boy... and the next she's shrieking like a banshee. She didn't even have a lump on her head, so it was just high drama at Satan's place.

Me being me, of course I mentioned to Satan's girlfriend later that it was a good thing there hadn't been any real damage done (most of Mum's shrieking was shock and surprise than anything else), because otherwise, the poor child would have to go through life knowing he'd killed Grandma... with a hammer!

And I must be incredibly sick, because that still makes me laugh. *blushes*

So after that, things were calm enough. I brought Mum back home and she's fine. Of course, now she needs some oral surgery and she's decided she hates her dentist beause he told her she needs oral surgery...

Anyway.

Aside from all that, I've been writing and trying to get myself together for Dragon*Con, as well as AAD, both of which are next month. And it looks like I'm also going to be at Yaoi Con, so again... if anyone's going and want to meet for drinks or a meal or something, I'm game. :)

So, how's you all? *hee*

~Tis


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I won't be at all surprised to find the walking frame anecdote - can a lie be an anecdote? - turn up in a story of yours one day. And the mallet/head incident. You could call it research. Andy and I want to know what happens if someone hits someone else on the head with a shovel. I haven't found anyong to volunteer for that one. Could you ask your... *shakes head* Nono, she's not a stunt mum.

All joking aside, I'm glad your mum is okay. One has to wonder where 2 1/2 yo got the idea to clonk anyone on the head.

Glad you're well.

Heh-heh... I also have this great story (lie) about a bear coming out of the woods and crossing two lanes of traffic in order to break a flower pot... though I don't think that one will ever make it into a book. :P

Hmmm... depends on the type of shovel and who does the hitting. If it's a regular, square-ended shovel and the hitter is of average size and strength (and not aiming to slay), usually a whack on the head results in the rolling back of eyes and unconsciousness. No bleeding unless it's a particularly vicious strike. Um, don't ask me how I know this, because it's the same way I know that dart wounds don't bleed much when you pull the suckers out of your leg.

I have to agree with Jamie about where Nephew (aka~ Satan Lite) got the notion of hammer-to-head. Blame TV. *chuckles* And Mum really IS fine. Give it another week and she'll be denying that her sweet little golden boy would never do such a thing and I must be making it up. *hee*

Laters, hon'! :)

~Tis

Heh-heh... I also have this great story (lie) about a bear coming out of the woods and crossing two lanes of traffic in order to break a flower pot... though I don't think that one will ever make it into a book

Never say never - Our author extra had a newspaper page on it and we had a story about a black bear crossing the street. Now if we had actually written the story, said bear could have easily broken a flower pot ;o)

I'll be at yaoi-con too - my first and probably only time. There's a biggish group of bloggers going so look out for us. Although I'd like to point out that in RL I'm not a stuffed toy T Rex so how you'll pick me out in all the thousands of people there, I've no idea :). Perhaps I need to wear a badge with my ion on in. Hmmmmmm....

Sorry about your Mum, but I understand that life throws you inappropriate comedy moments all the time. I'm often trying not to kill myself laughing when my kids are coming out with really serious stuff. For example, my 6 year old daughter has a wobbly front tooth and last night she was really upset and convinced that she was going to swallow the tooth in the night and die. It took a lot of discussion to convince her that you don't die from swallowing a tooth. Afterwards I had to go into my bedroom and laugh into my pillow for a while :).

*hee* Yay for Yaoi! :P

My understanding is that there's a sports bar in the hotel, so perhaps we can arrange a group gathering one afternoon or evening. Cuz that would be way too much fun.

I am a bit disappointed that you're not actually a T-Rex stuffie, though. Colour me disillusioned. *snerk*

Kids are definitely a trip. Have you had the whole "I know you swallowed that apple (orange, cherry, whatever) pit/seed, but I swear you're not going to wake up with a tree growing out of your nose" conversation yet? Cuz that's FUN. *hee*

So DID she swallow her tooth in the night? Because the whole being alive thing would likely put the kebosh on her concerns. :P

Hope to see you in San Fran!

~Tis

The walker thing is a great mental image. The hammer thing sounds perfectly normal to me. I didn't think about where he got the idea from, I was more concerned with where he got the hammer from. (If it had been one of my boys, in the dim and distant past, that would have been the important question. Himself has never been that happy about sharing his toys tools and if one of the boys got hold of a hammer it would be my fault somehow - and the welfare of the hammer would have been nearly as important as Mum.)

Glad you had a good time. I need to get away for a few days, just haven't decided on the when or where yet.

Heh-heh. Oh, make no mistake. Satan was very bent out of shape because of his hammer... and even more so because the bag of frozen veg on Mum's head was HIS sack of veg, thank you very much. *rolls eyes*

By all means do your best to have a little holiday. I find it always helps; especially if it can be managed without family. LOL

~Tis

I'm glad your mum is ok.
That should be in a story...

And with Ali's comment - I am the one that wants to hit the character over the head with a shovel. Ali thinks that is a bit extreme. I have a lot of pent up rage ;o)
Hmm, on that note best not have me near any hammers when my step family is around ;o)

Hammers are handy. :P

As for the shovel thing, like I said to Ali, it depends on the type of shovel and the force with which it is used. For instance, a square-ended shovel will likely hit harder than a snow shovel, due to the greater surface area of the snow shovel distributing force over a larger area. Less directed force to the one spot where the shovel would actually inpact the head. Um, just guessing. *whsitles quietly*

I don't write kids very often, but believe me when I say I'm saving up the stories. They really might come in useful one day. I just won't tell Mum. *hee*

Laters, hon'!

~Tis

Shovels are handy ;o)

And it would be a camping shovel, one that folds, so really not too much damage...

I have a special character in mind if we ever do fantasy - real life can be brought into fiction ;o)

LOL! You know, I blame kids' TV. My son must have been around the same age as your nephew, when on a visit to his Gran's, she sat him down in front of Tom & Jerry. Now, I'm not one of these mums who try and shield their kids from everything; I just know my son, so I suggested it wasn't sensible viewing for him. I got shouted down.

There was, I must confess, a certain amount of air-punching when half an hour later, he tried to whack his Gran with a frying pan...

*heehee* Yeah, it might be something like that. Satan Lite (nephew) does watch a lot of TV.

We still don't know how he got his hands on the hammer, though. Apparently, 'no one' snuck in and gave it him. LOL

~Tis

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